Polished

"The best revenge is no revenge. Improve yourself and forget anyone that hurt you exist." 

The Beginning

 Last year in October of 2022, we celebrated the end of roughly a two-year legal battle over 18 months of grueling litigation, to be exact. Finding the exact words to recount this experience is quite emotional; imagine a dark cloud following you throughout every moment of your life. No matter how you attempt to escape the cloud, it consistently bursts into a storm, drenching chaos to remind you of its presence.

This cloud followed me during the repeated stressful phone calls with attorneys. Forcing me to scream, "Be Quiet," at my kids playing in the background to decipher our attorney's legal jargon. 

This cloud followed me during every deposition, where I dehydrated my then 6-month pregnant body to survive repeated sessions of 8-plus hours of endless, asinine questioning. 

This cloud followed me late at night when I would lay down to decompress from the day, only to have my mind bombarded with the cacophony of the court case. The regret, the anger, the frustration-all living within the cloud and constantly flooding confusion on my peace. 

The Battle 

Fighting this legal battle resulted in countless hours of my life in turmoil. The unnerving stress from litigation stole quality time from my kids, caused sleepless nights, and the strain it put on my marriage due to arguments with my spouse, at times, was unbearable. In addition, the guilt I felt from failing to do my due diligence when hiring a contractor to construct our home eventually paid a steep price on my mental, physical, and spiritual health. 

When you sue someone, you sue their family too. Everyone is collateral damage in a legal system that is cumbersome and complex.

At the beginning of this legal fight, we were oblivious to the prolonged nightmare that our entire family was about to experience. However, as each month passed, the heaviness of the case negatively impacted us and took a toll on our children. 

When we were initially served a letter from the opposing council, our oldest son Jamaar was three years old, our oldest daughter Journei was just shy of 15 months old, and our youngest was baby Justice, an infant barely three months old. Our youngest daughter, Joliee, was conceived during our legal woes, and she experienced the stress of the case in utero. Unfortunately, our kids caught the brunt of the mayhem because, many times, being sued took the wind out of their parents. 

The lawyer fees, the headaches of the justice system, the pressure of being unfairly accused, and the self-doubt and guilt that arises from signing a bad contract are just a glimpse of our daily thoughts. The stress and complexity of these emotions can weigh heavily on your spirit. 

That 18-month time frame was like having a vicious shark sink their teeth into my family and attempt to bleed us to a slow, miserable death that we could not escape. 

God's Grace 

What was the silver lining throughout all the chaos? God. God and his faithfulness kept my family safe and sane throughout that tough time. God protected our mental state, and on the most challenging days, God gave us supernatural strength and peace to surpass the moments of pain. 

In conjunction with the lawsuit, we had to finish building our house, which was no small feat. Our ability to permit the house in our name and finish construction was a blessing. God sent us an angel in the form of a neighbor named Dan Evans. Dan, a retired builder, lived directly across the street from our lot, and he vividly watched how our dream of building a custom home quickly turned into a horror movie. However, he saved us during the legal battle and finished our project with excellent craftsmanship and integrity. 

Mr. Dan will forever be our friend and mentor, and gaining a relationship with him made us whole with everything we lost, and for that in itself, we are forever grateful. 

Rebuilding Confidence 

They say you do not honestly know someone until lawyers are involved, and legal woes can take a toll on your health, so I advise anyone currently undergoing or recovering from any legal woes or litigation-take care of yourself.  

You can become disillusioned when you experience something so emotionally draining and stressful for a prolonged timeframe. Depression sinks in, and you can forget your purpose and lose all desire to create; you can fall into a mire of discouragement. 

As time progresses and we move forward from the case, we not only have to heal but also have full transparency; speaking for myself-I still struggle to trust anyone, especially individuals in a business capacity. The vulnerability we experienced from failing to protect our assets changed our lives forever. 

While fighting our case, I gave birth to my youngest son and became pregnant with our youngest daughter. Dealing with these high-stress levels frequently made it difficult to process the court case emotionally. I regularly cried, and the chronically elevated stress levels often evoked sickness. My unborn child (baby Joliee) had to deal with the torment of stressful litigation while in the womb. As time passed, in retrospect, the 18 months of defending ourselves despite all the pain yielded an exponential maturation process for my husband and my family. 

Post our legal woes, through extensive therapy and soul searching, we have worked extra hard to ensure we do not become bitter from this experience. Being targeted and violated in a court case can break you. 

To those fighting a legal battle where you are charged with protecting your assets/name and, most importantly, preserving your freedom - I sincerely pray that once you get to the other side that you are wiser, more polished, focused on growing and not tarnished by the worst aspects of litigation. 

When your storm is over, always focus on how your experience made you BETTER and NOT BITTER. 

The Light 

The greatest lesson I learned from this situation is to stand tall and advocate for yourself, and sometimes no one else, not even those on your "team," can fight the battle for you. The more success you obtain, the more exposure you may have; inevitably, you will encounter legal strife. I recommend allocating 20% of your income/business revenue towards legal expenses to protect yourself. I openly share my testimony because I hope every mistake I made in this instance will serve as a stepping stone for my peers. 

Building or buying a home is a business decision, and I will never make a similar decision out of haste or without doing my due diligence. I want my lack of proper judgment to help my peers make better choices when selecting contractors or purchasing real estate. 

Lessons Learned 

Sometimes during the court case, time would stand still. Sadly, during those frozen moments of uncertainty,  I will never forget the lethargy I frequently experienced when parenting innocent yet rambunctious little people who didn't understand why "mommy was perpetually in tears." Those moments will forever be engrained in my core memory. The emotional distress I experienced is complex and still, to this day, traumatic.

I want my story to help someone dodge a bullet that lodged into my creative spirit, crippled my joy, almost took me out emotionally, and caused pain to my family. 
I am determined to release the guilt and frustration from the time I lost my babies because of the case. 

I am stronger and ready to fight should anyone target or attempt to attack my family.

My testimony and experience have value; they will help someone navigate building a forever home. In closing, my testimony will give someone the confidence to protect themselves on the front end of contractual agreements to avoid legal pitfalls on the back end.

As my family continues to heal from the chaos of the lawsuit, every day, we grow stronger, wiser, and more appreciative of the moments of peace that, during litigation, were stolen. Every day our bodies and our minds are vindicated from the constant state of fight or flight. Every day, the cloud slowly disappears. 

Gratitude 

I sincerely thank everyone who helped my family navigate that stressful time. 

Thank you for your prayers, your encouragement, and your support. We are forever grateful. 

Never be afraid of advocating for yourself or standing up against those who may try to attack you. 

"The best revenge is no revenge. Improve yourself and forget anyone that hurt you exist." 

I wrote the exert below in my journal the day after we moved into our home. It was the second night we slept at the house, and my soul felt lifted. My heart felt free. 

11/23/21 (Exert from the Diary of @Dominique) 

It's the day before celebrating our first major holiday while living inside the house. Thanksgiving. Such a fitting and perfect time to express gratitude, and I have never been more honored to live in this home. 

It's beautiful- inside and out, it feels like we live in a resort now. It's stunning, and I'm at a loss for words at how gorgeous and warm this space is. 

It's grounding. From the moment you walk inside the door, you feel the warmth. You feel strength. I'm so appreciative of this space to share with my family.

I feel like we were drowning for two years, and when everything ended, we finally came up for air. I thank God for allowing us to reach this moment, a place of peace and resolve.

I am committed to letting go of all the pain from this experience, but I will never forget to share the knowledge I gained. It is the only way to make it all make sense. 

DISCLAIMER: The story you read is loosely based on truth. Some names, characters, businesses, and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. But a lot of this sh*t may have happened. 

Beautiful Photo by Brandon Grate Photography